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Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Status report overdue!

Aaron told me today that he's had a bunch of our friends wanting to know how I'm doing.

In short, I'm doing fine... I'm sleeping a whole ton. Making sure my drains stay emptied. They are finally starting to slow down. I have an appointment with Dr. Pummill tomorrow to see how things are healing. I see Dr. Gold next week for the results on the tissue that was removed. I won't know more before then.

I have to take a shower... badly. That's our project for tonight. I tried to shower a couple days ago and had what's called a vasovagal response. When I unfastened the front of my bra, my blood pressure dropped suddenly. I lost color, tried to faint, broke out in sweats, and tried to upchuck a couple of times. Not fun. I called the doctor's office yesterday to find out what we need to do to fix it. The fix is to do nothing, make sure I'm sitting or laying on a bed and that I have a bucket near by. Once the response has passed, I carefully go on about my business. We'll see how that works out.

So that's where we're at for now, gang. I'm hoping to get out of this house at some point this holiday weekend. I got to get some ice cream a couple days ago and visited some friends in the process. (YAY!) I miss seeing my friends the most out of all of this so far. You just don't realize how much they are part of your everyday life until you get stuck on bedrest or the like. C'mon, Body! Do your healing thing so I can get back to normal!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Blast off!

Live from Pre-op room 28!

I'm all set & ready to go. Haven't gotten the good drugs yet, but I'm still calm & cool as a cucumber. It'll probably be quiet here for a while until I recover for a bit. Aaron will likely post an update or two to let y'all know how I'm doing...

See ya on the flip side!

Steady.....

Just a short note tonight.... I have just about everything ready. My Mom, Pop, & Aunt Kathy are here. We all went to a benefit dinner at BD's Mongolian BBQ tonight to help support the cub scouts. Gonna go catch some Zzzz's before the craziness of tomorrow. I'll do my best to update tomorrow, but if not maybe Aaron will...

Much love....

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Ready.....

Only two days to go until surgery! I gotta say, I'm excited! After 23 years of trying to get a reduction, it's finally getting done. Not quite the way I would have asked for but, hey, beggars can't be choosers!

I saw Dr. Gold a couple days after my last post for my pre-op appointment. I told her what had happened per my last post and she was so reassuring and confident that this is going to just be bump in the road for me. I know nothing is ever for certain, but it was very comforting nonetheless.

So, getting ready.... A lot of standard stuff. Be there at 8:30. No eating after midnight the night before. Shower with anti-bacterial soap the night before and the morning of surgery. Nothing to eat or drink, including water. Don't pee because they want to do a urine test when I get there. (Though how I'm supposed to hold it while listening to the water in the shower is escaping me at the moment!) No deodorant, powder, perfume, or lotion.

There's another test that I have to have. The name of it escapes me right now, but I have to have two injections put directly into each breast, one of them mildly radioactive and the other is a dye. It helps them locate exactly where the cancer is located in the breast tissue. Dr. Gold prescribed some numbing ointment that I have to put on an hour before the test and wrap with a clear bandage or Saran. When the registering nurse from the hospital called to get all our ducks in a row, I told her that I had to have time to put on the cream when I checked in per Dr. Gold. Her reaction was, "You have one fantastic doctor! Do you know that she is the only one who gives her patients something to numb the area for that test?" I'm feeling quadruply blessed right about now!

Saturday, was simply fantastic! Aaron, the kids, & I got to be lazy bums all morning. In the evening, I went out to dinner with my Karate Crew sisters at Don Pablos. (Thank you Shari, Jen, Missy, DeNai, Naomi, Barb, Robin, & Liza! You gals are so awesome!!!) They make some mighty tasty margaritas there!
 

Afterwards, my friends Grace & Jen threw a "Ta ta to the Ta-tas" party especially for me. I don't even know how many gals made it. It was a lot! I have been trying for years to bring my various friend groups together, knowing that given the chance they would get along really well! (I just don't have any sucky friends. I learned a long time ago to not keep them around.) Like the reduction, it stinks that it took cancer to get them all in the same room but I think progress may have been made. :-D

Toward the end of the party, we gathered everybody to one room where I had a chance to talk to everybody about cancer and my experience so far. I offered the opportunity, for anyone who felt comfortable enough, to see my chest, compare the cancerous side to the normal side, and to feel what the tumor felt like under my skin. I figured it was a great chance for the others to experience it before it ever got to their bodies so that they would know what to look for. Surprisingly, I think everybody took me up on my offer! They made me so proud! :-D

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store and bought the place out. Not really, but I've got folks coming to stay with us so I made sure to buy more food than usual to feed everybody.

We also had our family pictures taken. I'm just not one of those moms that has to have a professional photo taken of their kids at every milestone of our lives. (Omg! He had his first poop! Let's go to Olan Mills! :-P) But we realized that we hadn't had one taken since I was pregnant with Shawni! Thank you so much to our friend, Dee Dee, for taking time out of her busy schedule to do this for us. They turned out absolutely beautiful!!!!!



Today has been a get the house ready, laundry done, shower tiled kind of day. We are so close on our shower! We've been working on it since Yule/Christmas and it's almost there. We have to get it done so that I don't have to try to go upstairs to get a shower. If I fell and tried to catch myself coming down the stairs.... Well, you can imagine that the results wouldn't be pretty. So wrapping that up is the goal for tomorrow...

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Way Too Many....

Tonight I was looking online, trying to find a specific pink ribbon t-shirt for either the party on Saturday or, if it doesn't get here on time, to wear out of the hospital. I decided to take a look at the other sized shirts too for the family. The ones for the kids were awesome and uplifting. (I seem to be using that word a lot today...)

Then I got to the men's shirts. There were a lot of really awesome ones, but there were just as many that really struck me and brought me to tears. Ones that said "In memory of my wife", "I miss my wife"... Then there was the one that said, "She wore pink. She fought hard. She's my Angel. She's my wife."

I think I've finally been handed my reality check. I could lose. I have no intentions of it happening and I am going to fight my damnedest for my family and myself. Something will have to drag me out of this body, kicking and screaming, before I give up. But I *could* lose anyway. I'm not quite sure what to do with this information yet. I'm not liking this feeling one bit.

There were too many of those shirts, which means that way too many women (and men) die from this disease. It makes me all the more proud that I've participated in the Relay for Life, Knit Michigan, and other cancer charity events. I will continue to do so again this year.

 I can't emphasize enough how important it is to give charitably. It doesn't even have to be a cancer charity... Pick something that pulls at your heart. The people in our country are too focused on themselves and their pocketbooks right now. They want to cut back public services to those that really need & depend on them to save themselves a buck. It's greedy. They are cutting back on donations to local charities while sending that same money overseas because it's the Cause d'Jour. If money is an issue, donate your time. It's just as worthy and you teach your kids a great life lesson.

Ok... I'll step off of my soapbox for now. I just felt the need to say something I felt was important after getting doused with a bucket of mortality juice. It's mighty sour...

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Things have been kinda in a holding pattern for the last couple of weeks. There's been some low spots and some bright spots too.

Connor's birthday was April 22nd. I had the idea to let him have a sleepover party. We had 6 boys and 4 girls make it over and madness ensued! Video games, pizza, movies, peep salad, more video games! The girls went home about 10ish, I think, and I tried to get the boys settled in about 11. I had no idea what a task that was going to be! Aaron is an early-riser and had gone to bed, so that left me to deal with the hooligans. I started up a mellow movie and told them that they were to relax and enjoy the show. I had to keep hollering at them... "Lay back down! I better not be hearing any talking up there! Who's jumping on the bed???? OMG, you guys! Settle down!" I finally had enough at about 12:30, when I told them that I would separate them if they didn't settle down. That finally did it. Why didn't I think of that before! *facepalm* Needless to say, I was exhausted the next morning so Aaron took over and let me sleep in.

My dad (Pop) came to visit for Easter. Pop & I are very close. I was so happy that he was there to see the kids hunt for their eggs and open their baskets. We had some time to talk and have a couple good cries about this whole mess.

A couple days later, the kids were still home from school, so I decided to take them to see "Rio". It's a pretty good flick! It was nice to have some time with the kids that was just fun and didn't involve talking about my illness for a change.

On 4-26, it was back to the regular daily grind. At the end of the day, while we were winding down, Connor had more questions about cancer. I do always try to be up front & honest with my kids. Those of you who know our family understand that I'm not bragging when I say that my kids have an intelligence beyond their years, not only of an educational level, but of an emotional one as well. In most cases, anyway. In talking with Connor this particular evening, I'm not sure his maturity was a blessing. He understands too well what is happening and what is coming up. He has some honest fears that I'm trying hard to help him deal with. Perhaps I've been too honest with him, let him know too much. But on the other hand, I don't want him to think down the road that I wasn't completely honest with him either. You can't have an honest relationship with *anybody* through lies of omission, in my opinion. *Sigh* Six one way, half a dozen the other, eh?

The next day, as we were getting ready to head out, the Acting-out Fairy put in an ugly appearance. Connor was helping to buckle Shawni in. Shawni didn't want to be buckled and screamed as loud as she could directly into Connor's ear. Startled and in pain, Connor slapped her. They quickly realized that their world was about to come to an abrupt end, because cancer or not, being stressed or not, Mom doesn't put up with anyone acting the fool. Neither of them got another chance to see a video game whatsoever for the next week. Every time they asked why they couldn't was another chance to tell them what they did wrong. It didn't take them long to figure it out. I understand that we're all feeling stressed right now, but that doesn't excuse any of us from treating each other with love & respect.

On 4/30, my test results were finally in! My lymph node came back as negative, as did my BRCA test! (The BRCA test was the genetic test that I had taken.) This means that, as of yet, the cancer hasn't reached my lymphatic system (YAY!). It also means I don't have to worry so much that I've passed this to the kids and that I don't need to have my ovaries removed, although they are going to have to shut them down chemically. Aaron's folks just happened to be visiting when the doc's office called, so it was nice to have family to celebrate the good news with!

On 5/2, my girlfriend Nikki had me and a bunch of other friends over for a Muffin Morning. I love when she has these! It's a chance to see this group of friends that, because of all our busy mommy schedules, I don't get to see near as often as I would like to. I got there and everyone was wearing pink and had cards and get-well gifts for me. It made my heart absolutely sing! I have to have some of the greatest friends on the planet... :^D

Yesterday, we met our Medical Oncologist (chemo doc), Dr. Eilender for a "meet 'n greet". We went over a LOT of info. One thing that caught Aaron & I off guard was something in my test results. In one portion of the notes he showed us, it said I was BRCA negative. In another portion it said I was BRCA positive, but FISH (Fluorescence In Situ Hybridization) negative. Dr. Eilender says this makes me eligible for a study that's getting ready to open. But, of course that's conditional on if I have to have chemo. We still won't know that until after surgery and they biopsy the tissue.

So, still holding... The low dose of Xanax has helped so much with my anxiety! I've only had to use it a few times, but what a difference it made! I still have an appointment with Dr. Gold on Thursday, where I'm definitely going to bring up those BRCA results. And on Saturday, some of my girlfriends are putting together a "Ta ta to the Ta-tas" party! It's going to be crazy-fun! Expect some interesting posts in the future, Dear Readers!

Sunday, May 1, 2011

I suppose I've got some explaining to do. I apologize for not posting but it's been a very busy week and a half. Last I left off, I had just discussed the lymph node biopsy with Dr. Hicks on the 18th. I've had a lot of ups and downs since then which I will explain in due time. Bear with me while I process everything, ok? It might take me a couple of posts.

4/19/11 - At this date, we're still not sure what my after-surgery treatments are going to be, so I'm starting to get the "meet & greets" out of the way with the rest of my care team. On this day, I had an appointment with Dr. Naill, a Radiation Oncologist. Aaron went with me to the appointment and stayed with me the whole time.

Based on past experience, I tend not to do well with male doctors. It's not a sexist thing. I'm sure that there are many, many capable male doctors in the world. After some bad experiences when I was younger, I just happen to not be comfortable with them. I have to give props to Dr. Naill though. He managed to put me right at ease, even while I was being examined. That's no small feat!

We had to watch a video about some of the treatment options, then the doctor came in to discuss things in more detail, do his exam, and answer any questions we might have. At least we have an idea about what radiation entails and what some of the side effects will be. In a nutshell and to be quite blunt, it's kinda like I would be put in the nuker, only they'll be using radiation instead of microwaves. Radiation would have a hard time going through implants. If I'm using expanders, they will have to be used be prior to radiation because irradiated skin will not stretch and grow. A bit of a conundrum, wouldn't you say? So we left more informed than when we walked in and we are set to go when & if Dr. Gold says I need to turn into the Human Nightlight. :-P

It's funny all of the little things you happen to think about when you gear up for something like this. I happened to think that when I go through chemo, I'm probably going to throw up a lot. So I called my dentist and he hooked me up with special toothpaste to protect my teeth (Fluoridex Daily Defense, only available through your dentist). I also got a call from my pest control people to set up an appointment to restart my service for the year. I told them about the change in my health status and that I'd only need their services on the outside of the house. They were very accommodating. We'll just have to squish the critters the old fashioned way this year.

4/21/11 - This was the day of my lymph node biopsy. It pretty much went the same way as my first biopsy on the tumor, only it was taken from the enlarged node my left armpit this time. I also had a chance to meet Dr. Hicks, who seemed blown away with my sense of humor about the situation. He had a hard time trying to stop laughing when I told him the zombie boobs needed to go. (What? It's fast-growing, mutating, rotten tissue, right? Zombie boobs!)

On the way out, I walked across the parking lot to Dr. Gold's office. I knew I wouldn't be able to see the doc but I had a few tweaks going on and I had been told to report any changes. I was told that I'd get a call later.

Later in the day, it was time to meet Aaron at the karate school so that he & Connor could go to class. On my way there, Nurse Jessica called me back so I pulled the car to the side of the road. I wanted to let them know that I had messed up my back bowling and had seen Dr. Mike, my chiropractor, to fix it. Her solution, jokingly, was to not bowl anymore but she had no problem with my getting adjusted.

The other thing that I had wanted to talk about was my growing anxiety. It seemed like I was receiving a never-ending stream of bad news. The stress rock in the pit of my stomach always seemed to be there now. I constantly felt nauseated. Just about anything would set me to crying. I didn't know what to do about it though. For the first time in my life, my sense of humor and ability to roll with the punches didn't seem to be getting me through. Jessica suggested that she prescribe an anti-depressant for me. I had never taken one before, but it sounded like just the life raft I needed. I agreed and she called the prescription in for me for the next morning.

I pulled myself together after the call and finally got to the school. Again, I can't say how much of a blessing that place has been for me & my family. Barb, one of the gals in Aaron's class, came to me after class to let me know that I've been added to the prayer chain at her church and she gave me a vial of blessed oil to use. Now, I may be Pagan but I am not going to turn away well-wishes in any shape or form! I never have and never will. Prayer, spells, wishes... No matter what you want to call them, they have power all their own. I'm very thankful that Barb thought enough of me to do that for me.

4/22/11 - Plastic surgeon "meet 'n greet" day. We had to be up bright and early to get to our appointment at 8am. A big thank you to our friend, Sheryl, for being a trooper and getting up early to watch our kiddos for us! Dr. Pummell was nice but very down-to-business. Again, we got a lot of information in a very short time.

I had my heart set on the bilateral mastectomy with expander reconstruction. But I had also done a lot of reading ahead of time and was wondering about some options, such as the 90% mastectomy. With this option, it's possible to save the nipple and not have to reconstruct one from scratch. Unfortunately, with the amount of tissue I have to lose, this isn't option for me because there would be inadequate blood flow to help it survive. (I thought it would be nice to mention here though, in case any of you readers are looking at your options as well.)

So we agreed on what technique we are going to do, I was examined again, had pictures taken, and I now have a date for my surgery - May 19th! On we go!