Return of the tingly hands

Not quite time for my next check up yet, but I had something weird happen yesterday so I thought I'd jot it down. My neuropathy came back in my hands and less so in my feet. It wasn't painful. I still had full range of motion and wasn't dropping things. It just felt numb and tingly like my hands had fallen asleep. I'm not sure what caused it. I did miss my medicine for a couple days, but nothing I'm taking has anything to do with my nervous system. I was also out in the heat for a while (it is open house season, after all!), but I removed myself before I started feeling ill. It was still there but much better when I woke up this morning, but I think I'm going to call the cancer center tomorrow and see if they've heard of this and see if there's anything I can do about it.

When? What do you mean WHEN???

It's been about 6 weeks since my last post, so I figure it's time for another update.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. I know some folks probably think I'm overly sentimental about this, but every holiday I do get very emotional. That one little niggling thought pops up every single time - "I almost wasn't here for this." And then I lose it. I'm hoping it will pass eventually, maybe with a few more holidays under my belt. I just know that every holiday, every special occasion, every day for that matter, is precious to me now.

I had a quick check-up with Jessica at Dr. Gold's again. At a visit with one of my other doctors recently, he told me "And when the cancer comes back..." Yes. He used the word WHEN. No, he didn't misspeak. He said it again when I called him on it! I told Jessica about it and let her know that I was glad I was warned about his bedside manner, but that it still worried me. She was appalled that he said that and did a great job reassuring me about Dr. Gold's work. She even triple-checked me during the exam to ease my mind. I love going to their office!

My tummy troubles have been a lot better since I wrote last. I tried to go off the Prilosec once my prescription ran out again but it didn't work out. I may just have to accept the fact that the chemo messed up my stomach and that I'll have to take medicine for it to be "normal". At least things are starting to taste good again. I'm still on Ativan for the time being. The hormonal ups & downs from the Tamoxifen were causing some depression, so my doc has me taking it once a day to even me out.  Other than that, I'm taking supplements and eating more things with probiotics to improve my overall health - Ginko Biloba to help with the chemo brain. Kefir, kombucha tea, yogurt and homemade sauerkraut to help with my digestion issues. The new foods taste great! Time will tell how they are working.

I've recently been taking my mom to diabetes nutrition classes. One of the classes covered the medical side of the condition and one of the things I noticed was how many of the side effects of diabetes were so very much like being on chemo. One of the side effects mentioned was autonomic neuropathy. I had neuropathy of my hands & feet while I was taking chemo, but I had never heard that term before. Unlike the kind of neuropathy that I had, this can affect the heart, lungs, or stomach. Not that I'm self-diagnosing, but I think it might be worth asking if something like that could be the cause of some of my tummy trouble. The side effects are very similar to what I'm experiencing! If so, how do we test for it, and is there is any therapy to correct it?

Next Saturday is the survivor ceremony & breakfast at our town's Relay for Life. I really enjoyed the experience last year and I may this year as well but.... Part of me is really hesitant about going. I'm not big about putting my emotions on display. I have no difficulty writing about my feelings, but I don't cry pretty. There's a reason I don't go to chick flicks or Disney movies in public anymore! I think the Relay is a wonderful way to raise funds for cancer research. I know that many folks get great therapy from relating their stories and listening to the stories of others. I'm just trying to move myself past this and I'm really scared that going will be more like picking the scab off the wound for me rather than the healing that others get out of it. I keep going back and forth about it. I guess I'll just have to see how I'm doing the day of the event.

I guess that's about it for now. I'll post more once I go to my next doc appointment and get a chance to ask some questions. Love to all! <3

Happy April 1st! No, it's not a joke...

Today is April 1st, 2012. For those that don't know or don't remember, today is my one year anniversary of my diagnosis. I thought I'd wait a bit after my last post to update my progress and today is as good as any, right? There's been both good and bad things to report. I'll start with the rough stuff first.

After my last radiation treatment, the sore spot turned into a pretty bad burn, blisters and all. It was expected though. The doc did brief me that it could happen, so I made sure to be prepared. I used a mixture of hydrocortisone and Silvadine creams to cool the burn and to promote healing. I have so much more empathy for burn victims now! Once it started healing, the skin turned to a Arizona/Florida leathery tan texture and began peeling, even the black spot which is now my normal color. I used Aquaphor to keep the skin moist so it didn't itch as much. (It also works fabulous for tattoos, just so you know!)

I've had a hard time with the Tamoxifen. You'd think I'd be better at it after taking all those chemo meds for so long, but it's been difficult for me to remember to take the darn things. My head still isn't quite straight, I've been suffering some depression, and my energy levels are still low. I'm thinking it has to do with my estrogen being non-existent now. (As a reminder, my cancer is an estrogen eater. So I have to take the Tamoxifen for 5 years to shut down my ovaries.) My doctor said that even if I try, I might not be able to lose any weight because of the medicine.

My appetite has been a problem too.  Things taste ok when I eat them, but never seems to satisfy me or take care of a craving. My tummy has been upset constantly for the last couple of months, even though I'm taking prilosec daily.  I called the chemo center other day because I was getting so frustrated about it. They started asking me all sorts of questions about whether I'm able to keep my food and liquid down or if there was blood involved. I know what they are worried about and it terrifies me. What if the cancer has traveled? I have burst into tears so many times the past few days because of this phone call.

But then there's the good... They put me back on the Ativan, in addition to the Prilosec, to help with the depression and my stomach. They want me to check in with them in a week to see how I'm feeling. If I still feel bad, they want to run some more tests. Better to catch it early, right? Besides, I always wanted that tummy tuck.... :^P  As of today though, I thought I noticed some improvement. Not as much nausea and things actually stayed tasting good for a little bit! I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

I'm also as determined as ever to lose my extra weight. I just have to show myself more patience. I tried going back to karate, but I think it might have been a little too soon. I got exhausted too easily and kept losing my focus enough that I worried my partner. So I think I'm going to take a step back, work on my endurance and strength training a bit. Let my body get used to this new chemical balance. I said it before and I'll say it again... I lost 30 pounds just so that I could go flip a jerk of a doctor off. Nothing will stop me from obtaining my goal. It just may take me a little longer to get there! :^D

It's been one year, Baby!!!! YEAH!!! Much love to all! :^D

Crossing the Finish Line

So, today was my last radiation treatment. Going in, my emotions were all over the place. Cancer has been front and center of my family's life since April 1st of last year. I was happy, sad, uncertain about what I'm going to do with myself now. Add the fact that the tamoxifen is now working and I'm hormonal... I was a complete mess by the time I pulled into the cancer center.

I took a few minutes to pull myself together and went in. Treatment was quick and easy, as usual. The nurses were so happy for me that I was finally done. I lost it a bit again when they hugged me, but I managed to hold it together, for the most part, until I got back out to the car. I called Aaron & Pop and cried into their voicemail. :-P

I've been doing well the rest of the day. I stopped by my gas station and was talking to the gal I usually get my coffee from about it being my last day. Everybody in the shop stopped what they were doing to congratulate me. It was unexpected and so sweet of them. Aaron took me and the kids out to dinner at Sagano to celebrate. I've been tired and the radiation burn hurts but it's a small price to pay in the scheme of things. I was told that it will take a couple of weeks to feel better and to rest for the next few days until I do.

I. AM. DONE!!!!! Woo HOO!!!

Two steps forward, one step back

I've finished chemo and am close to being done with radiation. I know that I haven't updated here in a while. It was probably pretty clear with my last post that I'd had it with the whole cancer scene. A bit self-centered and angry? Maybe. I've been focusing on just trying to get my treatment done. 

The end of Taxol was really rough for me. My stomach rebelled a lot, enough so that I couldn't go off of my meds for a couple weeks after I was done. I was weak, both in body and spirit. I lost the toenails from both big toes and have partial nail lift from most of my fingernails. It's not horrible, but not exactly comfortable either. Playing guitar has been out of the question because my fingertips have been so tender. I couldn't risk getting blisters on my fingertips because of the risk of infection. But they are starting to grow out and the new growth seems to be coming in normally and once they do, I'll again be mangling songs on my dreadnought. So YAY!!!

I ended up in the hospital for a few days before Thanksgiving with something called Celluitis. Basically, it's a staph or strep infection that gets into your bloodstream. Most people don't have an issue with this because their lymph system helps to fight it off. Because I had some of my lymph nodes removed during my surgery, that system is a bit compromised and couldn't fight the infection effectively. The infection was traveling up my arm and the doctors were afraid that it would reach my heart. They had me in the cardio ward for four days, pumping me full of fluids and antibiotics, before sending me home to be with my family just in time for the holiday.

The radiation treatments have been relatively easy in comparison. I was originally scheduled for 28 sessions. I had to get a couple of tiny reference dots tattooed on. I go in daily five days a week to get my Hulk on and as of today, I've had 22 of them. Only 6 more to go...

However, today was one more step back. Radiation is also cumulative. I woke up with my skin irritated. You know that owie feeling when your shirt rumples up while you're sleeping and puts wrinkles in your skin? It felt like that. Only, hours later, I realized the feeling was still there. I had Aaron take a look to see if it was red and he asked why I was black and blue!!! I looked in the mirror and by golly, there it was. The entire left side, where the radiation hits, is red and swollen with a dark spot about the size of a half dollar. It's not a bruise, it turns out, but a discoloration caused by the radiation.

So talking to the doctor's assistant about all this today, I also found out that I have 5 more additional treatments once I'm done with the 6. They are called a "boost" and are supposed to be more targeted than the ones I'm getting now. I'm bummed at the addition, but no sense in getting mad about it. I'll do what I need to do to keep the cancer from coming back.  I got a prescription for silvadene and hydrocortisone to put on the burn and my skin is already feeling a little better.

I have to get the kiddos to bed, so that's enough for tonight. I'll try to get back here soon.

Much love! Nik