Ok, folks... The photoblog is still on the agenda. I'm just not well enough yet to sit in front of the computer to manipulate the pics yet. This third round has been a pain in the heiney to shake. I even got sick for the first time last night and I *hate* getting sick with a passion that knows no bounds. I'm hoping the rest of today I'll be on the upswing. *fingers crossed*
So today, I thought I'd write instead about something that is important and affects both the Cancer Survivor and everyone that surrounds them.
We are all born with a sense of self-preservation. For the Survivor, that means getting the cancer out of us, getting it treated, and hopefully getting on with our lives without it ever coming back. For those around us, it's a bit different. Self-preservation isn't just about survival. To break the word down, it's about preserving one's "self".
I warned Aaron when we first started down this road that our friends and family will react in a few different ways to our news. Some will feel a need to jump in with both feet and do what they can to help us out. (Thank the Goddess for these folks!!!!) Some won't be comfortable and will pretend like nothing big is going on in our lives, but will still interact with us on a limited basis. Some others will extract themselves from our lives altogether until the crisis is over.
Some of you may read this and think, "Dang! That's mean!" or "Some people are just so selfish!" But I totally get it. Each reaction is meant to protect that person from harming their own psyche. I understand all of these because I have been guilty of each of them over the course of my life.
We do the best with what we're given at any particular point in our lives. And with life experience and depending on the result or lack of that experience, we are given different coping mechanisms. If someone has never dealt with cancer before, has heard all the bad stories, could you really blame a person for shutting down out of fear? I can't.
So, I guess the whole point of this is to my friends and family... Go with your comfort level. I know that I am loved, even from a distance, and that I love you guys too. We'll still be good when this is all over. *hugs*
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Knowledge will set you free, or at least make you feel better!
Hey Gang! I'm sitting here getting my third round of AC. Only one more of this combo to go!!!! Yippee!!!!!!
The Red Nair, as my friend Emilie calls it, finally kicked in after my last treatment and my hair started falling out. We had some fun with it. I took some silly pictures of the funny 'dos I had after pulling out the loose stuff.. I'd put my baseball cap in my lap and the kids would see how fast they could fill it with hair. We're discussing what I'm going to be for Samhain/Halloween: the Borg Queen from Star Trek, the blue chick from Farscape, Dr. Evil (or Pop can be Dr. Evil and I could be Mini Me). If I lose a lot of weight by that time, I could be a Bic roller pen! Hehehe... Connor keeps asking me every other day if it's time to shave my head yet. I told him that he & Shawni can help cut it off when the time comes and he's so excited about that.
(***THIS PART IS TMI. PLEASE DON'T READ BETWEEN THE SQUIGGLES IF YOUR SENSIBILITIES ARE EASILY OFFENDED***)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's easier when we keep it fun, but there were some rough times too. Things were particularly rough on Sunday the 17th. Aaron had taken the kids with him to a friends house for a Poker game. No, the kids went to play with the other kids there, not to be part of the stakes! :-P
Anyway, while they were gone. I went to use the bathroom. You can imagine my surprise when I found the entire area "downstairs" was swollen and felt like it was on fire! The area up front burned like hell, felt shredded, and had blisters, while the backside was extremely swollen like I had a bunch of hemorrhoids and was bleeding pretty profusely.
I started to have a panic attack but I tried to keep some sense about me. I didn't call Aaron because he wouldn't know what to do and he was keeping the kids occupied so they wouldn't have to see me panicked like this. I did text some local girlfriends that I know, anyone who had medical knowledge, for help. Jen P just happen to be right down the street from me and she zipped right over. She helped me calm down and we looked some stuff up because she hadn't heard of this happening either. Evidently, this is caused in some cases because of all the chemo toxins leaving the body and that area's tissue being super sensitive. I hadn't seen this mentioned in any of the books I'd read. I would think that this is kind of important information, wouldn't you?
A lot of sites we looked up recommend using a sitz bath with epsom salt, but I don't have one of those. Instead, I managed to find my cleansing bottles from when I had Shawni. (Sometimes it's good to have a touch of pack rat!) I rinsed with water as cold as I could get it out of the tap and it helped with the swelling. The next appointment with Dr. Nagpal, I mentioned what had happened. He seemed kind of surprised and prescribed a cream to help (name of cream to come). It seemed to help ease the pain of the blisters and stopped the bleeding.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On the 21st, I went to Dr. Gold's office for my checkup. I got to see Jessica again and it was a lot more laid back with her this time. I think the last time she was giving me so much info and I was just so stressed with everything that I was rubbed the wrong way, ya know? She is a bundle of energy though! Wow! So, we were talking after my exam and she asked, since I was losing my hair, when I was going to be getting my wig. I told her that I was making hair pieces because the HealthPlus policy we have does not cover "cranial prosthetics". She got so mad about that! She stood up and said, "That's bullshit!!! Wait right here...." and walked out of the room. She came back with a wig for me. She handed it to me, telling me that it was a display sample that the company never came back for. I asked how much and she said it's nothing and to just bring it back when I was done with it! I put it on and it's so cute. Not my usual style or color, but fashionable! I was ecstatic!
Also, a friend of ours, Edie B, made dinner for us last week: meatloaf with green beans and rice. YUM! She even gave Aaron an extra meatloaf for the freezer for my rough days. As I recently posted similarly on Facebook, everyday I have to reexamine just how lucky and blessed I am. I have family and friends that love me, that I love just as much. I have always been willing to bend over backwards to help my loved ones. The damaged part of me is just amazed that people would be willing to do the same for me.
I planned to post a photo blow-by-blow of my second chemo treatment, but I thought that the above info was more crucial to know. I'll still try to get the photo blog up when I'm feeling better, as well as add some pix to past posts that I'd been meaning to put up.
Love to all!
Nik
*** I wrote the squiggle part, not to be gross, but because I felt it was very important stuff to know. If you are a cancer patient, please don't assume that this is going to happen to you. I just want you to know and be prepared in case it DOES happen. Everyone seems to have different things happen to them on chemo. I heard a gentlemen talking today that he couldn't handle eating Ritz crackers, but he could handle Town House crackers just fine! Dealing with Cancer and chemo can just be weird sometimes.
The Red Nair, as my friend Emilie calls it, finally kicked in after my last treatment and my hair started falling out. We had some fun with it. I took some silly pictures of the funny 'dos I had after pulling out the loose stuff.. I'd put my baseball cap in my lap and the kids would see how fast they could fill it with hair. We're discussing what I'm going to be for Samhain/Halloween: the Borg Queen from Star Trek, the blue chick from Farscape, Dr. Evil (or Pop can be Dr. Evil and I could be Mini Me). If I lose a lot of weight by that time, I could be a Bic roller pen! Hehehe... Connor keeps asking me every other day if it's time to shave my head yet. I told him that he & Shawni can help cut it off when the time comes and he's so excited about that.
(***THIS PART IS TMI. PLEASE DON'T READ BETWEEN THE SQUIGGLES IF YOUR SENSIBILITIES ARE EASILY OFFENDED***)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's easier when we keep it fun, but there were some rough times too. Things were particularly rough on Sunday the 17th. Aaron had taken the kids with him to a friends house for a Poker game. No, the kids went to play with the other kids there, not to be part of the stakes! :-P
Anyway, while they were gone. I went to use the bathroom. You can imagine my surprise when I found the entire area "downstairs" was swollen and felt like it was on fire! The area up front burned like hell, felt shredded, and had blisters, while the backside was extremely swollen like I had a bunch of hemorrhoids and was bleeding pretty profusely.
I started to have a panic attack but I tried to keep some sense about me. I didn't call Aaron because he wouldn't know what to do and he was keeping the kids occupied so they wouldn't have to see me panicked like this. I did text some local girlfriends that I know, anyone who had medical knowledge, for help. Jen P just happen to be right down the street from me and she zipped right over. She helped me calm down and we looked some stuff up because she hadn't heard of this happening either. Evidently, this is caused in some cases because of all the chemo toxins leaving the body and that area's tissue being super sensitive. I hadn't seen this mentioned in any of the books I'd read. I would think that this is kind of important information, wouldn't you?
A lot of sites we looked up recommend using a sitz bath with epsom salt, but I don't have one of those. Instead, I managed to find my cleansing bottles from when I had Shawni. (Sometimes it's good to have a touch of pack rat!) I rinsed with water as cold as I could get it out of the tap and it helped with the swelling. The next appointment with Dr. Nagpal, I mentioned what had happened. He seemed kind of surprised and prescribed a cream to help (name of cream to come). It seemed to help ease the pain of the blisters and stopped the bleeding.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On the 21st, I went to Dr. Gold's office for my checkup. I got to see Jessica again and it was a lot more laid back with her this time. I think the last time she was giving me so much info and I was just so stressed with everything that I was rubbed the wrong way, ya know? She is a bundle of energy though! Wow! So, we were talking after my exam and she asked, since I was losing my hair, when I was going to be getting my wig. I told her that I was making hair pieces because the HealthPlus policy we have does not cover "cranial prosthetics". She got so mad about that! She stood up and said, "That's bullshit!!! Wait right here...." and walked out of the room. She came back with a wig for me. She handed it to me, telling me that it was a display sample that the company never came back for. I asked how much and she said it's nothing and to just bring it back when I was done with it! I put it on and it's so cute. Not my usual style or color, but fashionable! I was ecstatic!
Also, a friend of ours, Edie B, made dinner for us last week: meatloaf with green beans and rice. YUM! She even gave Aaron an extra meatloaf for the freezer for my rough days. As I recently posted similarly on Facebook, everyday I have to reexamine just how lucky and blessed I am. I have family and friends that love me, that I love just as much. I have always been willing to bend over backwards to help my loved ones. The damaged part of me is just amazed that people would be willing to do the same for me.
I planned to post a photo blow-by-blow of my second chemo treatment, but I thought that the above info was more crucial to know. I'll still try to get the photo blog up when I'm feeling better, as well as add some pix to past posts that I'd been meaning to put up.
Love to all!
Nik
*** I wrote the squiggle part, not to be gross, but because I felt it was very important stuff to know. If you are a cancer patient, please don't assume that this is going to happen to you. I just want you to know and be prepared in case it DOES happen. Everyone seems to have different things happen to them on chemo. I heard a gentlemen talking today that he couldn't handle eating Ritz crackers, but he could handle Town House crackers just fine! Dealing with Cancer and chemo can just be weird sometimes.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
7-8-11
So, Aaron & my karate family have swept me away to beautiful Mackinaw Island for a weekend getaway. What's the first thing I want to do? Sleep. I had no idea that I would get this tired just getting over here!
Aaron took the kids for a bike ride with the rest of the gang. I think I'm gonna freshen up a bit and maybe walk around and take in some of the shops in a leisurely fashion, sans kids!
..........
I took the opportunity to go through some of the shops in the main strip. A lot of touristy shops, especially for fudge. I found a couple nice biking t-shirts for Aaron, but I want to ask his thoughts first before I buy them. I didn't get to have coffee this morning, so I stopped by Starbucks and treated myself to a Frappachino.
I started to continue my shop-a-thon, when I heard my name hollered from a side street. My first thought was "Who the heck knows me here???" Turns out that the crew had finished their bike ride and were stopping for dinner. What a weird co-inky-dink! We had a really great dinner at the Yankee Rebel Tavern then went back to the hotel so the kids could swim and the grown-ups could hang out. I love these moments in my life where things are just as they should be. I just wished they lasted longer. I ended up getting tired so I came back to the room to to rest. Aaron brought the kids back later. We're all finally in our room relaxing for the night.
Good night, World!
-------------------------------
7/13/11
And the rest of the trip was all downhill from there for me. Without getting into too much detail, there was a personal mishap, a lack-of-sleep induced rage on my part (not a normal characteristic of mine), which spawned an undeserved text to people I care about deeply. After knocking myself out with enough vicodin & ativan to take out an elephant and finally getting some rest, I realized that I'd messed up. At dinner, I tried to explain & apologize and I was walked out on. It broke my heart and made me angry all over again.
Aaron told me not to address it there, to let him deal with it. He knows how I am. I'm very much guilty of wearing my heart on my sleeve, but I did try. I really did! I actually almost made it off the island the next day before I put my feelings about the mess online. While I gained comfort from the love and protectiveness of other friends and family, I didn't realize that it was causing some distress to some of the friends I was having issues with. I diffused the situation as quickly as I could and have since deleted the post.
To those that I have offended: I sincerely apologize for the mess that I made. This whole thing started only because I wanted to protect my husband. Hopefully, you will understand this and things will work themselves out. You still have my love, regardless.
So, Aaron & my karate family have swept me away to beautiful Mackinaw Island for a weekend getaway. What's the first thing I want to do? Sleep. I had no idea that I would get this tired just getting over here!
Aaron took the kids for a bike ride with the rest of the gang. I think I'm gonna freshen up a bit and maybe walk around and take in some of the shops in a leisurely fashion, sans kids!
..........
I took the opportunity to go through some of the shops in the main strip. A lot of touristy shops, especially for fudge. I found a couple nice biking t-shirts for Aaron, but I want to ask his thoughts first before I buy them. I didn't get to have coffee this morning, so I stopped by Starbucks and treated myself to a Frappachino.
I started to continue my shop-a-thon, when I heard my name hollered from a side street. My first thought was "Who the heck knows me here???" Turns out that the crew had finished their bike ride and were stopping for dinner. What a weird co-inky-dink! We had a really great dinner at the Yankee Rebel Tavern then went back to the hotel so the kids could swim and the grown-ups could hang out. I love these moments in my life where things are just as they should be. I just wished they lasted longer. I ended up getting tired so I came back to the room to to rest. Aaron brought the kids back later. We're all finally in our room relaxing for the night.
Good night, World!
-------------------------------
7/13/11
And the rest of the trip was all downhill from there for me. Without getting into too much detail, there was a personal mishap, a lack-of-sleep induced rage on my part (not a normal characteristic of mine), which spawned an undeserved text to people I care about deeply. After knocking myself out with enough vicodin & ativan to take out an elephant and finally getting some rest, I realized that I'd messed up. At dinner, I tried to explain & apologize and I was walked out on. It broke my heart and made me angry all over again.
Aaron told me not to address it there, to let him deal with it. He knows how I am. I'm very much guilty of wearing my heart on my sleeve, but I did try. I really did! I actually almost made it off the island the next day before I put my feelings about the mess online. While I gained comfort from the love and protectiveness of other friends and family, I didn't realize that it was causing some distress to some of the friends I was having issues with. I diffused the situation as quickly as I could and have since deleted the post.
To those that I have offended: I sincerely apologize for the mess that I made. This whole thing started only because I wanted to protect my husband. Hopefully, you will understand this and things will work themselves out. You still have my love, regardless.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Gettin' off my butt, dang it!
7/6/11
I'm trying hard today to get some much needed housework done. Aaron has been doing his best and I so love him for that! But he also works all day and helps with the kids... Anyway, we're getting ready to go for a short getaway (our only vacation this summer) and the house needs some deep down cleaning. Besides, I'm going nuts sitting on my duff all the time.
So far today, I've done laundry and vacuumed, brought down our suitcases, and I'm getting ready to tackle the kitchen. I've been getting tired in between but I make sure to take a break for a bit. I just want to make sure I can get this place back up to snuff before my next round of chemo on Monday. If it's anything like the first round I won't feel up to cleaning again for another week.
This time around, we're dropping the kids of at Camp Grammy & Poppy on the way home Sunday. Aaron's sister and her family are up from Arkansas, so the munchkins will have their cousins to play with there while I'm having my treatment. I won't have to worry about them seeing me at my worst. Aaron & Pop get that privilege! :-P
I also have to sit down with my fancy little pill organizer & spreadsheet and get my pills organized for the next week. Crimeny! I have never had to take so much medicine in my life! Before all this, I was about as healthy as a 40 year old could get, besides my weight, of course. I have trouble taking pills. I get laughed at while I try to "baby bird" them down. (It is pretty funny to watch) Now I have to take them four times a day. And each medicine is on a different schedule. Two of them I have to take just the night before and morning of chemo. One of them is taken on days 2 through 7 after chemo and another one only on days 4, 5, & 6. I have several others that I have to take daily throughout the entire time of treatment. I have painkillers, steroids, allergy meds, anti-depressants & anti-nausea meds out the wazoo! It's hard to keep track of, especially when you've never had to do this before in your life. I can't imagine how Aaron feels about it sometimes. He's been in the same healthy-as-a-horse lifeboat with me. Up until now, that is. I'm glad I figured out how to make the spreadsheet though. That way, whichever of us gets the meds just writes the time in the box, so we don't overlap what I'm getting.
Tomorrow, I get to see Dr. Pummill to get my first bump-out (YAY!!!!) and Dr. Eilender to discuss how I'm feeling on the meds so far and to get some bloodwork done in preparation for next Monday's treatment. I'll let ya know how it goes!
Love to all!!!
PS. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.... :-P
I'm trying hard today to get some much needed housework done. Aaron has been doing his best and I so love him for that! But he also works all day and helps with the kids... Anyway, we're getting ready to go for a short getaway (our only vacation this summer) and the house needs some deep down cleaning. Besides, I'm going nuts sitting on my duff all the time.
So far today, I've done laundry and vacuumed, brought down our suitcases, and I'm getting ready to tackle the kitchen. I've been getting tired in between but I make sure to take a break for a bit. I just want to make sure I can get this place back up to snuff before my next round of chemo on Monday. If it's anything like the first round I won't feel up to cleaning again for another week.
This time around, we're dropping the kids of at Camp Grammy & Poppy on the way home Sunday. Aaron's sister and her family are up from Arkansas, so the munchkins will have their cousins to play with there while I'm having my treatment. I won't have to worry about them seeing me at my worst. Aaron & Pop get that privilege! :-P
I also have to sit down with my fancy little pill organizer & spreadsheet and get my pills organized for the next week. Crimeny! I have never had to take so much medicine in my life! Before all this, I was about as healthy as a 40 year old could get, besides my weight, of course. I have trouble taking pills. I get laughed at while I try to "baby bird" them down. (It is pretty funny to watch) Now I have to take them four times a day. And each medicine is on a different schedule. Two of them I have to take just the night before and morning of chemo. One of them is taken on days 2 through 7 after chemo and another one only on days 4, 5, & 6. I have several others that I have to take daily throughout the entire time of treatment. I have painkillers, steroids, allergy meds, anti-depressants & anti-nausea meds out the wazoo! It's hard to keep track of, especially when you've never had to do this before in your life. I can't imagine how Aaron feels about it sometimes. He's been in the same healthy-as-a-horse lifeboat with me. Up until now, that is. I'm glad I figured out how to make the spreadsheet though. That way, whichever of us gets the meds just writes the time in the box, so we don't overlap what I'm getting.
Tomorrow, I get to see Dr. Pummill to get my first bump-out (YAY!!!!) and Dr. Eilender to discuss how I'm feeling on the meds so far and to get some bloodwork done in preparation for next Monday's treatment. I'll let ya know how it goes!
Love to all!!!
PS. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.... :-P
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