And so we begin....

It's been a couple of years since I've blogged about anything. I’ve been so wrapped up in Facebook and Twitter, keeping things short & sweet, that I had forgotten what a joy it is to write! I mean, both services are great... Don’t get me wrong! I’ve found family and dear friends and it’s been great to have a chance reconnect with them. But there’s something about getting to put *all* your feelings out there. Sometimes you have to be a little too PC there.

But I want to talk about something today.... Boobies. Yes... Hooters, Ta-tas, pillows, bra buddies, knockers, the twin peaks, cushions, and any of a number of fruit used to describe them. As many of my loved ones know, mine have been the bane of my existence for the last 30 years. I’ve been anywhere from my 40DDD average to a 44H while I was pregnant. I had been trying to get a reduction for 24 of those 30 years with no luck because of insurance company bureaucracy or doctors who were complete asses. I’ve had to deal with teases, taunts, & stares. Nary a man would meet my eyes upon first meeting & I’ve suffered derisive remarks from women who thought I *must’ve* had a boob job for as long as I can remember.

On March 14th, while doing my self-exam, I noticed that something didn’t look right. There was a dimple next to my nipple that had never been there before. Everything else checked out but I thought I should have it looked at anyway, so I called a friend for recommendations and set up an appointment. On the 18th, the day of my physical, I noticed a lump in the shower. I made sure to point it out and I was sent to get my first-ever mammogram on the 23rd and a biopsy on the 24th. The doc who took the biopsy said that the tissue looked “damaged, not like any cancer she’d seen. More like my chest had been hit with something. But let’s wait for the results, just to make sure.” (Paraphrased, of course.) She said that they should have the results by Tuesday, but that I could call by Thursday.

On Thursday, March 31, I called for my results and was told that they couldn’t give the results over the phone, contrary to what I was previously told, and to expect a call from my doctor’s office. My heart was beginning to sink. It wasn’t long before I got the call. They wanted to see me. The nurse gave me nothing. I asked if I should bring my hubby and was told, “Sure... You can bring him along to any appointment anytime you like.” Yes, I was fishing but she was a pro, bless her heart!

On April 1st, I was diagnosed with Lobular Cancer in my left breast. It was no April Fools joke. There were many “I’m sorry”s and “wish I had better news”. I’ve had many a crying jag, with I’m sure many more to come. My husband has been a pillar of strength and love. My kiddos have been real troopers as well. We’ve been doing our best to prepare them for what will be coming. I have been overwhelmed at the response our friends & families have given. They have circled the wagons, taking every opportunity to keep my spirits up. I can’t tell you how loved I feel and I am so, so thankful.

My first appointment with my Oncologist is tomorrow. I’ve had a week to feel sorry for myself and now I’m ready to go to war. My own body has kept me down for decades. This is the straw that broke the camel’s back and I want my life back. I will not abandon my husband and my children! I refuse to go quietly into that good night! I plan on telling her to remove them both. I want to minimize the risk of having to go through this again. I’ll have to see what she says before I plan further than that for now.

Through this blog, I plan on trying to keep you, dear Reader, up to date on my treatment and what’s going on in my life pertaining to this. It’s such a huge thing to deal with and if I can even help one person learn from my experience.. then everything is worth it.

Love to all!
Nikki