Things have been kinda in a holding pattern for the last couple of weeks. There's been some low spots and some bright spots too.

Connor's birthday was April 22nd. I had the idea to let him have a sleepover party. We had 6 boys and 4 girls make it over and madness ensued! Video games, pizza, movies, peep salad, more video games! The girls went home about 10ish, I think, and I tried to get the boys settled in about 11. I had no idea what a task that was going to be! Aaron is an early-riser and had gone to bed, so that left me to deal with the hooligans. I started up a mellow movie and told them that they were to relax and enjoy the show. I had to keep hollering at them... "Lay back down! I better not be hearing any talking up there! Who's jumping on the bed???? OMG, you guys! Settle down!" I finally had enough at about 12:30, when I told them that I would separate them if they didn't settle down. That finally did it. Why didn't I think of that before! *facepalm* Needless to say, I was exhausted the next morning so Aaron took over and let me sleep in.

My dad (Pop) came to visit for Easter. Pop & I are very close. I was so happy that he was there to see the kids hunt for their eggs and open their baskets. We had some time to talk and have a couple good cries about this whole mess.

A couple days later, the kids were still home from school, so I decided to take them to see "Rio". It's a pretty good flick! It was nice to have some time with the kids that was just fun and didn't involve talking about my illness for a change.

On 4-26, it was back to the regular daily grind. At the end of the day, while we were winding down, Connor had more questions about cancer. I do always try to be up front & honest with my kids. Those of you who know our family understand that I'm not bragging when I say that my kids have an intelligence beyond their years, not only of an educational level, but of an emotional one as well. In most cases, anyway. In talking with Connor this particular evening, I'm not sure his maturity was a blessing. He understands too well what is happening and what is coming up. He has some honest fears that I'm trying hard to help him deal with. Perhaps I've been too honest with him, let him know too much. But on the other hand, I don't want him to think down the road that I wasn't completely honest with him either. You can't have an honest relationship with *anybody* through lies of omission, in my opinion. *Sigh* Six one way, half a dozen the other, eh?

The next day, as we were getting ready to head out, the Acting-out Fairy put in an ugly appearance. Connor was helping to buckle Shawni in. Shawni didn't want to be buckled and screamed as loud as she could directly into Connor's ear. Startled and in pain, Connor slapped her. They quickly realized that their world was about to come to an abrupt end, because cancer or not, being stressed or not, Mom doesn't put up with anyone acting the fool. Neither of them got another chance to see a video game whatsoever for the next week. Every time they asked why they couldn't was another chance to tell them what they did wrong. It didn't take them long to figure it out. I understand that we're all feeling stressed right now, but that doesn't excuse any of us from treating each other with love & respect.

On 4/30, my test results were finally in! My lymph node came back as negative, as did my BRCA test! (The BRCA test was the genetic test that I had taken.) This means that, as of yet, the cancer hasn't reached my lymphatic system (YAY!). It also means I don't have to worry so much that I've passed this to the kids and that I don't need to have my ovaries removed, although they are going to have to shut them down chemically. Aaron's folks just happened to be visiting when the doc's office called, so it was nice to have family to celebrate the good news with!

On 5/2, my girlfriend Nikki had me and a bunch of other friends over for a Muffin Morning. I love when she has these! It's a chance to see this group of friends that, because of all our busy mommy schedules, I don't get to see near as often as I would like to. I got there and everyone was wearing pink and had cards and get-well gifts for me. It made my heart absolutely sing! I have to have some of the greatest friends on the planet... :^D

Yesterday, we met our Medical Oncologist (chemo doc), Dr. Eilender for a "meet 'n greet". We went over a LOT of info. One thing that caught Aaron & I off guard was something in my test results. In one portion of the notes he showed us, it said I was BRCA negative. In another portion it said I was BRCA positive, but FISH (Fluorescence In Situ Hybridization) negative. Dr. Eilender says this makes me eligible for a study that's getting ready to open. But, of course that's conditional on if I have to have chemo. We still won't know that until after surgery and they biopsy the tissue.

So, still holding... The low dose of Xanax has helped so much with my anxiety! I've only had to use it a few times, but what a difference it made! I still have an appointment with Dr. Gold on Thursday, where I'm definitely going to bring up those BRCA results. And on Saturday, some of my girlfriends are putting together a "Ta ta to the Ta-tas" party! It's going to be crazy-fun! Expect some interesting posts in the future, Dear Readers!